Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Giving of your self without losing your self...

I'm sure many of you can relate to how it feels like to be giving something from your heart where you give unselfishly to another person, there is a sense of gratification that you feel in your heart what ever it is you give, the flip side of being a giving person can sometimes be that it can backfire when you keep giving and putting in your heart and soul and the person your giving to doesn't even know how to express appreciation towards you...

It's not that when you give you should have an expectation to get something in return, that is not really giving fully, but when giving to others we have to be aware that we too deserve to give to our selfs as much as we give to others, they say you can't give what you don't have.

I have allowed my self to get to involved in a situation where I really am starting to feel resentful and hurt, I'm realizing that I lost my self in the process of helping someone by going to far trying to help them in there personal struggles as if its my own.

It started effecting me to the point where I have no strength left in me, the person I have been helping is not in the right place and time in there life to really be able to show acknowledgment for the time and effort I have given to them.

the only person I blame is my self for losing sight of my self to looking out for my own well being, I thought that it's the right thing to do to be a support to them but it's not right when I start feeling the way I do now.

I don't walk around expecting people to do things for me just because I helped them, I'm more then happy to give to others, all I want in return is a little bit of appreciation instead of feeling used up.

People who are in a vulnerable position do need help and it's wonderful for them to get it, we all need support at some point or another to get through life's struggles, but becoming an enabler for them giving them to much, the helping is not really a help any more, in the long run it only cripples them to not be able to stand on there own feet when they get used to others doing the work for them, they fall backwards, instead of working on them selfs to be independent, it doesn't give them the push to go out there and get things done to work harder on them selfs to improve there situation.

we sometimes take on to much and we actually believe where being kind and generous to others when really where enabling them to get more and more depended and weaker instead of them getting stronger.

I have a tendency to forget that I too have needs and look away until there is not a ounce of strength left in me, I realize now that I have to work harder to really know how to help others with out losing sight of my own life and what I need to do for my self to be a stable healthy and sober person that I want to be.

I came so close to picking up a drink and drugs this passover, because of how I felt inside specially that some of the people around me where actively using, which was my mistake in the first place to end up with such a crowd, other times when I'm stronger emotionally drinking or drugging doesn't even cross my mind even if I see it, reality hit me hard that it's time for me to start making some changes, I realize that I worked way to hard and way to long to be clean & sober for the last 3 and half years that I should allow it to go down the drain because of someone who simply can't be what I expect them to be towards me.

It's time for me to get back to my own self and keep the focus on me before I go out there and be a Mother Teresa, my sponsor always tells me door man for no one and door mat for nobody I only have to listen.

I have to remember that each person as there own journey to take in there life and there struggles is theirs not mine, yes... it's a wonderful thing to be a support and give but not when you don't even know how to be a support to your self first.

I guess I need to keep in mind charity begins at home..

I hope you all had a wonderful passover and that your teeth are still intact from chewing matzoh's for eight days..

If you think taking care of yourself is selfish, change your mind. If you don't, you're simply ducking your responsibilities.
Ann Richards,

The more severe the pain or illness, the more severe will be the necessary changes. These may involve breaking bad habits, or acquiring some new and better ones.
Peter McWilliams,